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Revision & Score

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1. Practice: Write your essay in 30 minutes to the question below. 2. Explanation: Read the explanation and your essay at the same time to see what to do differently. 3. Examples: Compare your essay to other student essays and learn the mistakes to avoid. 4. Revision: Correct the structural and grammatical errors you made while adding some words. 5. Your Score: Submit your revision to me for scoring and feedback (within 24 hours). Like this style of teaching? Learn about Our System
4.	Revision
	Instructions After reading through steps two and three, you should have some good ideas on how to improve the grammar, content, and structure of your essay. Spend about 15 minutes revising your essay and move on to the next and final step.
5.	Your Score
	Instructions Copy and paste your revision into the comments section below. Make sure to write your name and your email address at the beginning. I'll send you an email with feedback and the score you would have earned if you submitted it on the TOEFL.
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Continue to improve with one of the following: Free Speaking Help Our Complete System 6 speaking & writing practice tests, example answers, video tutorials, one-on-one tutoring, and complete explanations like the one you went through here. Have any questions, comments, or general worries? Send me an email at JMiranda@NoteFull.com. I hope you found these pages helpful. And, remember: do this on the test and you will earn a higher score. Good luck!

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last updated (9/29/2009)

COMMENTS

4 entries

Reply nisi,nisi9090@yahoo.com wrote on Monday August 2, 2010 4:35am TOPIC: It has recently been announced that a new movie theater may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. ESSAY: .I doesn’t feel good to construct a theater beside my residence. I’ll oppose this I don’t want to be in a pollution pit .If at all they constructed theater, sound pollution increases, air pollution too. People will come to this place not in some number; they’ll come like a river. Not only people, their vehicles play major role for detracting environment . Due to these vehicles the pleasant street becomes polluted mob . Because of the air conditioners used inside the theater causes much global warming in these areas. The construction plan was not good; because it disturbs the whole street including student’s .they can’t concentrate on their studies. even lost their health due to pollution. We have many teen age children in our street; they may spoil due to this. All of us know teen age was the crucial age where children can reach top of the mountains or depth of the valleys. Once they last their control no one can change them .this was one of the main reason for which I opposed this plan. Students will face so many problems .this was the second reason. In spite of entertainment it causes so many problems. So it is better to stop this plan at the beginning it self. if at all they want to construct the theater I’ll suggests them to construct outside the street. They can get lots of place too. If they do this no one can face any problem and even they can earn more money. if they construct theater inside the street only this street people show interest to saw pictures and neighboring streets cant come this much far. so it is better to construct outside the street . Hence neighboring streets also shows interest and they can earn more too. nisi9090@yahoo.com Rated 5 of 5 Stars

Reply Munh_Ochir wrote on Thursday December 17, 2009 10:55am Students at a university often have a choice of places to live. They may choose live in university dormitories, or they may choose to live in apartments in the community. Compare the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages of living in an apartment in the community. Where would you prefer to live? Give reasons for you preference. Wouldn't it be fun to live with friends together in an university dormitory? This or at least a quite similar question came into my mind when I was younger and had to decide where to live during my studies. While at that point of time I decided to stay with friends in a dormitory, I would now prefer to live in an apartment off campus. The following will clarify my change of view. First of all, let me come back to the question asked at the beginning. A lot of people argue, it makes a lot of fun living and studying together. Moreover, especially when you are new to the university and campus, you need some time for orientation and to figure out how everything works. According to the opponents, this task can be achieved even better in a group. Therefore, living together meets those requirements perfectly. However, this might be the case for a period of time, but after a while eyerything new becomes routine and there is no need to spend time and accomodation with others most of the time. Moreover, this reason might turn into the opposite quickly when the first enthusiasm is gone, the roommates are nothing but annoying and your girlfriend persists on time being with you alone. Concerning the success of university studies, it is of upmost importance that students are in an environment which enables them to study as hard as possible and to get out of the curriculum as much as they can. This clearly advantages the off-campus living where nobody disturbs you during the studies. Within an own apartment you don't get distracted that easily as it would be the case with roommates around all the time. Opponents of the dormitories argue, that one of the essential skills taught and has to be assessed is the ability to work, study and function in a group. They clearly emphasize teamwork that can be learned living in a dormitory best. I can go along with this view up to a certain point, that is that teamwork is an essential skill, but this can be practiced off the campus as well. Furthermore, living alone and getting things done without the enduring help of people around, can teach lessons for the live. It is clearly more challenging to deal with all the tasks coming up alone. Afterwards, this also helps to value friendships at university even more, because you get not annoyed that easily and you can take time for yourself as often as you want. To summarize, while staying on campus might be fun and provides some advantages as well, the benefits from staying in an own place outweigh them in a great way. This is why I would prefer to live in my own apartment with close contact to my friends at the university.

Reply wrote on Wednesday December 2, 2009 6:44pm A new movie theatre in neighbourhood,good or bad Some people think a new theatre is beneficial for the neighbourhood as it opens the door for employment,while others think that it is not a healthy idea.In my opinion,it is not a good idea to have a new theatre in our place in context to the present condition. First of all ,our place already has three big movie theatres.They all are in accessible distance.Therefore,it is not necessary to add the another one.Though adding one more theatre will create more jobs,it will harm many aspects of our place. One of the harmful aspect is space.Addition of a theatre needs space.So it is sure one of our parks is being reduced.On the other hand,it will creat more traffic jam as more people will come from other places to see movies.More traffic causes pollution of air as well as sound.This will indirectly affect the health of the residents. Movie theatre is a good source of recreation.Since our place already own couple of them,adding one more theatre will cause more harm than good to our society.Thus, I oppose the idea of a new theatre in our neighbourhood.

Reply Emilien Hiraclides wrote on Friday October 30, 2009 4:04pm Emilien Hiraclides emilien.hiraclides@gmail.com Building a new theatre in our neighborhood seems to be a great idea. It is a way to make the neighborhood a more attractive place on economics and social issues. A movie theatre would stimulate our neighborhood economically by attracting more people. This flux could help entrepreneurs to meet and share their work, and also to do business together from the neighborhood which would create money flux through the neighborhood. Through people coming to the theater, business opportunities would be created and this activity would be a way to bring money into the neighborhood. Otherwise, it would be a great way to meet new people. People from many places would come to the theatre and it would be a great opportunity to create a social network. Going to the theatre with relatives or with friends would be also a time to relax and spend time having fun! Building a new movie theatre would be a great thing economically and socially for our neighborhood, a great way to work on business opportunities and meet new people.